Biological clock, Cirque du Soleil and other things

Hello world!

First things first. Went to Cirque du Soleil on Tuesday and it was AMAZING. We didn't get as close to the stage as I would have liked, but the tickets were kinda pricey and I got them as a birthday gift from my mum. We had to wait in line for a looooong time because this stupid government jerk and his friends were having a private function first and there was a bunch of military men and stuff, police too. I think it was the "president". Whatevs.

What actually bummed me out was my mum's attitude towards the whole thing. First when I got the tickets back in November  she complained that she didn't like those shows even though she's never seen one. Then as the date was approaching, she got excited. But when we went through so many tribulations she started complaining, and on top of everything my dad was meeting us at the venue but we got there first and had his ticket. All in all, the thing with my dad wasn't so bad. It really made me sad at one point though where she said she was leaving and wasn't going to stay, I said next time I wasn't getting her anything since she didn't want to go in the first place and she said that I should just give her the money. It made me really sad, gifts that are just money feel so impersonal to me. I got her those tickets because it's a once in a lifetime opportunity and I didn't want her to miss it, I wanted to share it with her. I almost cried, but I didn't because there was a lot of people and I didn't want them to see me cry. Specially my mother. But then when we got inside it was all very nice. As I said, we didn't get the best seats but all in all I loved it.

There was this one time where I asked my mum why wasn't she applauding and she said her pinky hurt, so I let her be (she has a sort of swelling problem on it so I knew she wasn't lying). But then I touched her because I was so excited about one of the stunts and she yelled at me I CAN'T APPLAUD MY FINGER HURTS!, and it wasn't even that what I was touching her for! Sometimes I think she doesn't really like me as a person. Anyway......Afterwards we took the subway home since there was a lot of traffic from the people who got there in cars to get out, I think it was the best option since it was like 10 pm and there's no people on the subway at that time. Coincidentally, when we were on the stairs, there was this lady behind us complaining that the Europe shows were better....I guess some people don't understand the difference between a Tour show and a fixed one for a specific stage. People complain too much and don't appreciate some things (me included).

I read a book called The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I really liked it even if the format was a bit strange. It was like reading Anne Frank's Diary. It's a great book, and I even researched on the internet on forums about what was Charlie's mental problem. Many concurred that it's PTSD from his childhood troubles. Won't say anything else in case someone actually reads this blog and hasn't read the book. I also got a pdf copy of the screenplay (from lionsgate.com! it's totally legal). I have never read a screenplay before, one of my directors told me that screenplays where very detailed and sometimes difficult to read so I was curious. I really enjoyed it.

Even though I'm 24 years old, I really, truly feel like I haven't achieved much in life and I have no idea what to do with my life. It's all so confusing. On that, I could relate to Charlie.



I've been reading a lot of family blogs and such, they make me feel a lot better after feeling sad. But then I realise that my biological clock is ticking really loud. I would love to be a stay-at-home-mum in Arizona or Cambridge (UK), or some part of the United States. I would also like to work on some form at the film industry, be it a special effects make up artist (I'm taking a class on it), a script supervisor (I'm really good at detailing errors on films and tv shows) or as an actress. Wouldn't that be nice?

Been listening to a lot of Beach Boys and Dido. Love them.

Have to practice being more patient with my coworker because she is truly the type of person I never long to be. Not even my daughter/son if I ever have them. EVER. But I must bite my tongue just in case.

Been thinking a lot about how lonely I feel. How I don't really have any friends or someone who truly cares for me. Some time ago I made a mistake and got kicked out of my theatre group. We were a pretty close together group and there was this group of 5 girls and myself and we were the bestest of friends. Then I was out and they just erased me. I still feel bad about it. Someone even made a meme about the "new" clique and I felt like I was Cady from Mean Girls. I guess I'll get over it with time.

I got up really happy today but as the weather is getting colder, I find myself getting colder and sadder as well. Maybe this is what I deserve from my past mistakes. Maybe not. All I do know is that karma exists.

All I do know is that I want life to get better and I will try my hardest to get on board and "participate", like in the book.

Maybe things will get better eventually and I'll find someone who deserves me and whom I deserve back. Someone who makes me feel special, who doesn't have to hide me and who lets me be me. Maybe.

For today, I'll just listen to good music, work and take a long walk with my dog when I get home.

Dogs make everything better.

Xo

It's Raining and I'm New

Hey there,

I'm MJ. I have thought of creating a blog for a long time, to hone my "writing skills" (which I think are non existent) and also so share my view of the world to the world. I ramble. A lot. I may start a post about something and end up talking about something else.

I'm also very emotional, though I never show it outwardly. My posts may vary from totally estatic about something to utterly depressed. Please bear with me... I'm very scared of showing my emotions to people because I used to do that and ended up really hurt. More on that later (maybe).


So here I am, 24 and starting to blog, I hope someone somewhere reads it. But if they don't, that's ok too. I just want to be brave enough to start a blog and commit to it.

Right now I'm at work and I'm starting this precisely because of it. It's not that I don't like my job, but it's very administrative (is that a word?). I just wish I had a more creative job. See, I'm smart, some might say (like my boss) that I'm very intelligent and that I learn fast. Which is true, I have a very steep learning curve, but my being "smart" is not something that I'd like to use or be for a job. I'm also creative, and that's what really moves me in life. I love art and anything to do with it. You name it, I've done it. Gymnastics, Music, Choir, Acting, Crafts..........Arts is what I want to do. And while I'm writing this, I'm realising that if I want it, I must make it! No more procrastination. I'll start my baking tomorrow :)

Ha. As if it were that easy. I am currently living in a country where everything is getting harder and harder. Which is the reason why I'm keeping this job and quitting Uni. Oh yeah, I used to be an anthropology student at UCV (Central University of Venezuela in Spanish). Actually, I'm not all that bummed out about quitting (again). I took a sabbatical last year to pursue acting, which I did to great results and I went back this past semester. But because of political issues in the country and health issues with my ankle, I talked to my mum and dad and they agreed it's best if I retain my job and quit schooling for a while. It's ok though, what I actually want to study is palaeontology and in this country, that's actually a Post-Graduate career, which means I'd have to do 5 years of anthropology and then 3 more of palaeontology....In other countries you can just go and study dinosaur bones and be done with it. Though I love anthropology, it's very interesting. It's really the most complete career ever. Anyway, I've always said I'll be a palaeontologist when I'm 40, so I have time. Not much, but some.

Hey! Look at that! I've written a lot! Gotta leave some for next posts, no?

It's raining a lot and I'm worried because I have to leave in 1.30hrs to go to CIRQUE DU SOLEIL with my mum!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!! I got the tickets in november as a birthday present for her, which was last week :-) and I took her (and yours truly) to the salon yesterday so we could look pretty in the pictures.....

Will try to post tomorrow!

Thanks for reading ghosts of the internet!

XO

MJ