Hello world!
First things first. Went to Cirque du Soleil on Tuesday and it was AMAZING. We didn't get as close to the stage as I would have liked, but the tickets were kinda pricey and I got them as a birthday gift from my mum. We had to wait in line for a looooong time because this stupid government jerk and his friends were having a private function first and there was a bunch of military men and stuff, police too. I think it was the "president". Whatevs.
What actually bummed me out was my mum's attitude towards the whole thing. First when I got the tickets back in November she complained that she didn't like those shows even though she's never seen one. Then as the date was approaching, she got excited. But when we went through so many tribulations she started complaining, and on top of everything my dad was meeting us at the venue but we got there first and had his ticket. All in all, the thing with my dad wasn't so bad. It really made me sad at one point though where she said she was leaving and wasn't going to stay, I said next time I wasn't getting her anything since she didn't want to go in the first place and she said that I should just give her the money. It made me really sad, gifts that are just money feel so impersonal to me. I got her those tickets because it's a once in a lifetime opportunity and I didn't want her to miss it, I wanted to share it with her. I almost cried, but I didn't because there was a lot of people and I didn't want them to see me cry. Specially my mother. But then when we got inside it was all very nice. As I said, we didn't get the best seats but all in all I loved it.
There was this one time where I asked my mum why wasn't she applauding and she said her pinky hurt, so I let her be (she has a sort of swelling problem on it so I knew she wasn't lying). But then I touched her because I was so excited about one of the stunts and she yelled at me I CAN'T APPLAUD MY FINGER HURTS!, and it wasn't even that what I was touching her for! Sometimes I think she doesn't really like me as a person. Anyway......Afterwards we took the subway home since there was a lot of traffic from the people who got there in cars to get out, I think it was the best option since it was like 10 pm and there's no people on the subway at that time. Coincidentally, when we were on the stairs, there was this lady behind us complaining that the Europe shows were better....I guess some people don't understand the difference between a Tour show and a fixed one for a specific stage. People complain too much and don't appreciate some things (me included).
I read a book called The Perks of Being a Wallflower. I really liked it even if the format was a bit strange. It was like reading Anne Frank's Diary. It's a great book, and I even researched on the internet on forums about what was Charlie's mental problem. Many concurred that it's PTSD from his childhood troubles. Won't say anything else in case someone actually reads this blog and hasn't read the book. I also got a pdf copy of the screenplay (from lionsgate.com! it's totally legal). I have never read a screenplay before, one of my directors told me that screenplays where very detailed and sometimes difficult to read so I was curious. I really enjoyed it.
Even though I'm 24 years old, I really, truly feel like I haven't achieved much in life and I have no idea what to do with my life. It's all so confusing. On that, I could relate to Charlie.
I've been reading a lot of family blogs and such, they make me feel a lot better after feeling sad. But then I realise that my biological clock is ticking really loud. I would love to be a stay-at-home-mum in Arizona or Cambridge (UK), or some part of the United States. I would also like to work on some form at the film industry, be it a special effects make up artist (I'm taking a class on it), a script supervisor (I'm really good at detailing errors on films and tv shows) or as an actress. Wouldn't that be nice?
Been listening to a lot of Beach Boys and Dido. Love them.
Have to practice being more patient with my coworker because she is truly the type of person I never long to be. Not even my daughter/son if I ever have them. EVER. But I must bite my tongue just in case.
Been thinking a lot about how lonely I feel. How I don't really have any friends or someone who truly cares for me. Some time ago I made a mistake and got kicked out of my theatre group. We were a pretty close together group and there was this group of 5 girls and myself and we were the bestest of friends. Then I was out and they just erased me. I still feel bad about it. Someone even made a meme about the "new" clique and I felt like I was Cady from Mean Girls. I guess I'll get over it with time.
I got up really happy today but as the weather is getting colder, I find myself getting colder and sadder as well. Maybe this is what I deserve from my past mistakes. Maybe not. All I do know is that karma exists.
All I do know is that I want life to get better and I will try my hardest to get on board and "participate", like in the book.
Maybe things will get better eventually and I'll find someone who deserves me and whom I deserve back. Someone who makes me feel special, who doesn't have to hide me and who lets me be me. Maybe.
For today, I'll just listen to good music, work and take a long walk with my dog when I get home.
Dogs make everything better.
Xo
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